Waiting For Rocky

The past week’s temperature had been in the 40s. Finally, yesterday was warmer and the sun was shinning. It has been a long time since I have gotten on Lady and I thought that since the day was gorgeous I would go up there before I fed and ride a little.

I have to keep my tack at my mom’s house because my house is too small for all of it. So I stopped by to gather my things, say hello to the pony, and head on over to the field where Lady is. I pull into the drive and noticed that Malin was there with her trailer. She is the woman who is helping me tremendously with Lady and she was the one who set us up three years ago. She told me that she was getting her horse Rocky to bring him to her house for a little bit because the dentist was there for him.

Rocky walked onto the trailer like a gem. The girls on the other hand where screaming. They didn’t know what was going on and why Rocky was leaving. I told Malin that I was going to ride but I knew in the back of my mind that it wasn’t going to happen now that Rocky was leaving. I knew that Lady was not going to behave and the fact that I haven’t ridden her in a long time; it wasn’t going to be a good mix.

Malin gets the trailer all set and ready to go and drives out onto the road. Summer, the other mare in the field with Lady was screaming her head off like it was the end of the world. Lady on the other hand was just standing there watching and listening to the truck. She knew where it was and watched it pass in the distance, she so very smart.

Once Lady could no longer see or hear the truck she flipped which got Summer going too. They ran and ran, bucking and kicking and farting and making a racket. It was fun to watch and it lasted for quite some time but once they calmed down I got Lady’s halter and lead and tied her up to the fence post.

I got her all clean and shinny and looking like new. She’s so beautiful. Her winter coat has come in which has made her super soft. Once she was clean I just stood there with her and we hugged. I was waiting for Malin to come back with Rocky so that I could feed him and while I was waiting Lady and I were bonding.

We stood there for quite some time just cuddling and she started to dose off on my shoulder. I was just petting her softness and telling her that I love her and she’s a good girl. After a while there was a dog in the upper field that ran over and the girls and to go investigate. During this time I thought that it would be a good idea to get Lady’s dinner and get her blanket on for the night since I knew that the temperature was going to drop again.

The grain was in Lady’s bucket and Summer was doing her normal routine of trying to steal it. I had to get Lady’s blanket on and I knew Summer was going to push Lady away from her grain so I got a handful of the tasty stuff and put it in a separate bucket for Summer just to keep her occupied for a moment. I always talk to Lady when I go to put her blanket on because she likes to have an attitude but the most that she does is pin her ears back. But to my surprise she goes to kick me. I was leaning on her hip to get the blanket up and around her back and she kicked. Luckily it was only her hip that got me but I was so mad! This was the first time she has ever even tried to kick me in the three years that I have had her. I ran after her and yelled and screamed at her letting her know that kicking is not acceptable. I told her to go eat and to stop the nonsense. Once she was eating I again put the blanket on her. She tried to have attitude but I made her snap out of it.

Once that whole ordeal was over I was still waiting for Rocky to come back. The girls went up to the round bail at the top of the field and I got Rocky’s grain ready for him for when he arrived. I checked the water and filled it but still no Rocky. I then went up to sit with the girls and finally after another hour Rocky showed up.

Malin and I fed him and she told me how well he did. It was dark out by this time and I was a little tired. Luckily it wasn’t cold yet. Rocky is a great boy. I put him back in the field, locked up the gait and went on home. Maybe today will be a better day for riding.

Feeding Time

Now that Lady is at her new place I have to go feed her and the other horse there named Rocky at night. I like to get there around 6pm but now that it is getting darker earlier I think I have to start getting up there a little sooner.

It’s not just Lady and Rocky in the field, there is another horse there named Summer. She is a trotter and is, well let’s just say she doesn’t need any cookies, she is a little big for her size but she is a darling. All three of the horses there are bay in color. It is funny when you drive by; you have to really look to figure out who is who. I can usually spot Lady right off since she is the smallest at only 15.2 hands. Summer is that size but again, she is much more round in the belly. Rocky is taller and pushing 16 hands.

Due to the fact that Miss Summer is bigger and she could use a diet she doesn’t get any grain. I only have to feed Lady and Rocky. It is sometimes quite difficult with Summer being around. She is always trying to get at Lady and Rocky’s grain and I end up having to chase her away the whole time which is not something is enjoy doing.

I was talking to Summer’s mom about how I always end up chasing Summer away the whole time while I am there and she suggested either tying her up to the fence or just hopping on her back and riding her around the field while the others are eating. I thought to myself “ahh yeah, I’m gonna ride her.” Her mom said to just grab a halter and two lead ropes and jump on. I was a little skeptical at first but I had a good feeling about it. I got the halter and lead ropes and brought Summer over to a stump that was just the right size for getting on her. She was so good for me. She stood right next to the stump and waited for me to hop on.

Once I was on I was still a little nervous because I new Summer wanted to be with the others who were eating, she always tries to steel their grain, she is sneaky. But I made her stand there while I gathered myself up and then I gave her the smallest of smallest squeezes and we walked on. I knew that if I gave her any more of a squeeze or a click she would take off but she was great. I was telling her to teach Lady how to be as good as she was being. We walked around the other horses while they were eating and I gained my confidence with every second that passed. I was having a good time even though we were just walking around.

Lady and Rocky were done eating so I hoped off Summer and told her she was good and as always she ran over to the grain bowl to see if there was anything left that she could munch up. I just watched her and thought “ok, I’m going to do this every time!”

The next day, there I was, on the back of Summer. This time I had more confidence and we walked over to the water buckets to see if they were full enough. I knew on the way back that she was going to go faster to get over to the others who were eating and she did. Her being a trotter it felt like I was sitting on my couch at home, she was so comfortable. Normally a horse’s trot, well at least Lady’s trot, is bouncy but Summer’s is like I was flying. I can’t wait to go tonight to feed them!

Pony’s Time to Move

The very sad day came way too fast! I had Lady in the stall resting her hoof due to her hoof abscess and the pony was not happy about being alone. I knew he had to get used to it so I just ignored him.

3pm rolled around. I could hear the loud roar of the truck coming up the driveway. Malin, my old trainer, had her two horse trailer with her with a big smile on her face. I had a frown. My mom pulled up after her and hopped out to help Malin turn around. I had gotten Lady out to eat some grass and to be around for when the pony was leaving so she could say goodbye.

My mom grabbed his red halter and clipped it on him. He was so happy to be out it the grass and with Lady but he had no idea what was about to happen. I walked Lady up to the trailer so that the pony would fallow. He has only been on a trailer once in his life which was when we had first bought him. He walked right up onto that trailer like he had done it everyday of his life.

I put Lady back in her stall, locked up the door and ran to my car. My boyfriend Jim and I then fallowed my mom and Malin up the street to my mom’s house. The pony was not having a good time. He was jumping and whinnying, he was so upset. Malin had to pull over to make sure that something wasn’t wrong with the trailer; she didn’t know that it was him jumping around.

When we pulled into the driveway of my mom’s that poor pony was exhausted. We unclipped him and backed him out of the trailer. He was soaked in sweat. He nose was flaring from breathing so hard, the poor little guy was so scared. After walking him around for a minute or two to let him cool off we brought him over to the back of the house where there is a patch of grass. He had no interest in it. He was circling around me looking for his Lady. I walked him around to see the place and show him that it was ok.

After leading him around for some time to get him used to his surroundings I brought him over to his new paddock that my mom built for him. It’s a nice small little area, plenty of room for him to walk and run if need be. I let him go and he took a couple of step a shook. Poor little guy. He then walked around the perimeter of his new home and checked it all out, calling out for Lady once in a while but there was no one to call back.

The next day I called my mom to see how he did over night. She said that he did great. He was still calling out for Lady but was doing fine otherwise. He made a path around his paddock; my mom calls it his “merry-go-round” spot, very cute. Lady was also very upset. She ran around looking for him when I put her back out into her paddock. She yelled and yelled for him, hoping that there would be a response but there was nothing. It’s very sad to not have my cute little pony right out back but I know I can go visit him when ever I want or need to get a pony fix and that makes me happy.

Lady’s Hoof Abscess

Seeing Lady everyday makes a big difference. I can see her every little movement and see if anything is wrong or has changed.

One day when I was out feeding her and the pony I noticed she was doing what is called “pointing,” which is when she takes her front foot and points it forward so that there isn’t any pressure on it. I was a little concerned because in the past she has done this before and it ended up being a hoof abscess. So I just kept an eye on her to make sure that she was ok and to see if there were any physical changes, I was hoping that she just bruised her hoof and that it wasn’t anything serious.

The days go by and nothing has changed. Lady was hobbling around and it was very clear to me that there was something wrong. I was getting really nervous because I needed to move her to a new place due to some landlord issues. When the pony was scheduled to move to my mom’s house I had my old trainer look at her foot to see what she thought. I knew that it was either an abscess or a bruise. I didn’t want to mess with it if it was a bruise because it would just make things worse for poor Lady.

Malin my trainer said that it was an abscess which I was a little relieved about because I had an idea of how to treat it due to her having one in the past. I remember what the vet did but I still called to make sure that I remembered it completely and that I wasn’t leaving anything out. He told me to pare it out with a paring knife, which I had when I was in school for my farrier class, and get all the nasty goo out and to make sure it is fully drained. Once that is done, then soak her hoof in warm water and Epson salts. This will help any more draining that needs to be done and will bring the abscess closer to the hoof sole. If the abscess does not get treated in time it can form at the top of the hoof where the hair meets the hoof and this causes much more pain and is harder to treat. After soaking her foot for about ten minutes, then wrap it up tight and make sure that there is pressure on the wound to help it close up.

My horse is the best horse to have when a situation like this occurs. She is amazing! I got the paring knife and pared out the abscess, she just stood there. I got the warm water and Epson salts and soaked her foot, and she just stood there. I then got a diaper, some duct tape, and made a “potion” out of Epson salt and bag balm. I put the “potion” on the diaper, put the diaper on her foot and duct taped it on, and she just stood there. She didn’t move and inch! I did this twice a day for a week and she was awesome every time.

The day came to move her to her new place. Her hoof was still ouchy but I had to move her and she did fine. I knew she would. It has been about two weeks now, the diaper booty has been off for a couple of days and she is walking fine. She still has a small limp once in a while but I think it’s just because she is a big baby, but I love her any way!

Night Watch

My best friend Stephanie, whom I met in college, and I love sheep. For one of our classes we had to pick a species to show for the Little I Showmanship at UCONN. We had a choice between sheep, pigs, horses, and cows.

We both LOVE horses but we had to pick something that we haven’t been around so we picked sheep. We had to train them which is a lot easier said then done. Walking them around, getting them used to being on a lead. Once that part was done we had to shine them up to get them ready for the show. We bathed, carded, and sheered them which I really enjoyed. Sheep are a little tough to handle but I loved it. Stephanie won the show and I got second to last but it was still a lot of fun. Stephanie and I had a blast working with them.

Once the show was over we still wanted to be a part of the sheep world. We had heard about Night Watch which is when the ewes are ready to give birth. They almost always give birth in the safety of the night. We just flipped, getting the chance to watch a lamb be born, we were in!

Night fell, it was cold and smelly in the sheep barn but we were excited. There was hay bales which we dosed on that were next to the ewes so if anything were to happen we would be there, ready to go. The night went on and on but nothing happened.

The next night was special. About three hours into it we noticed an ewe acting strange. Walking over to her our eyes got big as we noticed a little head peaking through. Once the birthing process was over we saw that the ewe wasn’t doing her motherly things like licking and trying to protect her baby. Stephanie and I knew that she was rejecting it and we had to step in. Apparently I wasn’t thinking before I went out to the sheep barn that night because I had put my nice pea coat on. I had to pick up the lamb which was covered in slimy, icky birth and carry it over to the lambing cubicles where there are heat lamps and dry straw. I was covered in birth, it was nasty.

Once the lamb was in the safety of the cubicle we went over to get the barn manager to let him know that the ewe had rejected her baby. He had gotten towels, a bottle and formula, and a long skinny rubber catheter to force feed the lamb. Once the lamb was dry, warm and fed we knew he was going to be ok and let him go to sleep under the safety of the heat lamp.

Stephanie and I visited him everyday for a couple of weeks just because we were so attached. We learned that the same ewe had given birth to another lamb and had rejected it. I guess she just wasn’t ready to be a mom. The experience will never be forgotten, it was amazing.

A day In the Life of My Dogs

The day starts out with a little morning play time on the bed. Charlie antagonizes Dude which gets Dude jumping and rolling all over me which is the reason I don’t need coffee in the morning. Charlie loves to play what we call “alligator tamer” which is when he sticks his head all the way into Dude’s mouth. Dude is always so gentile with Charlie. He will take his paw and smack Charlie right on his back, pushing him down. Dude then, instead of biting, nibbles him. They play and play until either Charlie gets board of it or I decide to get up.

The second I get up out of bed they are ready! They know that it’s time to go outside and that must mean it’s almost time for breakfast! I try to get dressed but it’s a little difficult when there is a Chihuahua jumping on me and Dude getting in the way. Finally I get to the door and let them out. They take off down the hill towards the barn. Running around, they try and find a decent spot to do their thing. Meanwhile I feed the horses and get them ready for the day.

I don’t even have to call them when it’s time to go back into the house; they know it’s time for breakfast which we call “doggie dinner.” I get Dude’s breakfast; go upstairs, get Charlie’s breakfast and then finally, I get to eat. All my animals eat before I do, must be nice.

After the morning ruckus, they settle down. Charlie goes into his bed and Dude lies on the couch. This will last all day until I say “go out side?” and they bound out of the house once again. Dude runs to get his toy and plops it right down in front of me barking if I don’t throw it. Charlie runs around trying to find a nice spot to lie in the sun. I throw Dude’s toy until I get tired of it and we go in.

Once night falls, we turn the television on and watch our normal afternoon shows. The Empire Carpet commercial will come on once in a while and we have to turn it up for Dude. He will be laying on his back sound asleep and once “his show” comes on he flips over, runs to the television and howls. We love it when he does that. Charlie just watches him and he must be thinking “what is so special about that commercial,” something we all wonder.

The night rolls on. When it’s time for bed I call Charlie into the bedroom. He has his own little bed next to me on the floor, actually it’s my extra pillow, he’s spoiled. Dude has his bed on the hope chest which is at the foot of our bed and we all fall asleep only to have it start all over again the next day. Oh to be a dog!

A Bad Day

I was outside yesterday getting some gardening done. The week had been way too hot for any type of outside activity so I was taking advantage of the cloudy weather. I had the pony out eating some grass as I always do and also had the dogs out just playing around, as I always do.

Over in the garden I was doing my thing, when all of a sudden I heard Dude attacking the pony. I ran over to Dude, who was already in submission mode because he knew he did something wrong. I yelled at him, telling him he was a bad dog and then ran over to the pony to make sure he was ok.

The way that the pony was shaking his head I thought that Dude had gotten his ear. I felt it and it was bloody. I was furious. I walked him into the barn and tried to cross tie him, which he’s not very welled trained with yet. When I was hooking up the cross ties I noticed his eye was rigorously bleeding. I freaked. My day had already been a mess and now I have to deal with this poor pony and the fact that his eye might be severely damaged. I was so upset and shaking. I knew what I needed to do and I usually can handle things like this well but everything was going wrong all at once and I just couldn’t handle it anymore.

The pony finally stood still enough for me to hook him up to the cross ties and I ran over to get something to wipe the blood away. His poor eye was all bloody and dilated and I feared that it was really damaged. I called my mom, because we share custody of him and told her the bad news and of course she freaked which made it even worse for me. But once again I calmed myself down and told her I would call the vet.

By the time I got the vet on the phone the bleeding wasn’t as bad but I still wanted to know what else I could do to help my little man. The vet said to keep pressure on it and once it stops bleeding to flush it out and then cold pack it and give him something to keep the swelling down like bute. I was so relieved! I thought that I would have to have the vet come out and that there was gong to be a huge bill and the pony was going to need some serious attention but it was all ok.

I really have the best pony ever! He was amazing. He just stood there and let me do what I had to do. I knew it had to hurt but he was doing his best at staying still. I took a look at his ear because I wanted to make sure that Dude didn’t get that too. It was bloody but not too bad so I checked the other one just to be sure. Come to find out it was dried blood from the terrible amount of flies that we have. I can’t find the proper fitting fly mask for him so unfortunately he gets eaten.

Once his eye looked alright I let him back out in the paddock. Usually something like that with my other horse I would have put her in a stall but the pony, he would do more damage in the stall than out in the paddock. I felt that he would be just fine in the paddock and he was. I walked up to the house and got a small ice pack and grabbed a towel.
When I got back down to the paddock he was standing in the lean to being a great boy. I placed the ice pack on his eye and that pony just stood there. He rested his nose on my shoulder, letting me do what needed to be done. After a couple of minutes he would move, I think it was getting a little too cold and he was like “ahh it’s cold!” But after a few minutes he let me do all over again.

Once everything that needed to be done was done I walked up to the house and flopped onto the couch and just took a big, deep breath. What a day! It’s a little swollen today but it’s nothing he can’t handle, he’s one tough little man!

Swimming

Today was a nice hot sunny day, finally a day with no rain. Jim and I didn’t have any plans so we decided to call up a friend that has a nice pond in their front yard. The dogs haven’t done much swimming this year so we wanted to take them out.

The second I got out Charlie’s collar it was a mad house. They know when that collar comes out we are going somewhere! They run back and forth, from one room to the next with their panting faces and the look of delight in their eyes. They jump up and down, Dude barks and walks right next to you as if he is saying please don’t forget me while Charlie shakes with excitement.

We get the car “dog ready” which is getting an old sheet to put on the seats so that the dog hair won’t get all over the place. I role the windows down to air out the car; it was an oven in there and I didn’t want the dogs to be too hot. Jim and I gathered the dogs and off we went. Dude was sticking his nose out the window with his flapping lips and ears. Charlie isn’t big enough to get his head out the window but he was looking out, standing on the arm rest watching to see where it was we were going.

As we pulled up to the driveway the dogs are itching to get out of the car and start playing. Jim and I get out and make sure it was safe to let them out. This took us about two seconds but Dude wanted out right then and there and was barking his head off. The coast is clear, Jim opens the door and Dude leaps out. I wasn’t sure what my little man would do so I clipped his leash on just to be safe. To my surprise he jumps out and tries to run after Dude. He doesn’t even realize that he is on a leash and he does that whole “I’m gonna run and choke myself when I get to the end of the leash” thing so I finally caught up to him, unclipped him and he took off flying.

Dude is at the end of the field by then checking everything out as Charlie is trying his best to catch up. Jim and I meet up with our friend and start heading down to the pond. The dogs run back and forth and in circles around us with large smiles on their faces. It is a wonderful thing seeing them so happy.

By the time we get down to the water Dude has already jumped in. Charlie isn’t a big fan of swimming but he seems interested this time. He walks up to the edge of the water trying to decide if he wants to go chase after Dude or not. Of course, he doesn’t. Dude comes bounding out of the water, runs right up to Jim and starts barking. We all knew what it was he wanted so Jim grabs a stick and tosses it into the drink with Dude right behind it. He smashes the water with all his might like a kid doing a canon ball in a pool. Charlie wasn’t swimming so we tossed him in; we wanted him to cool down.

This went on for about an hour or so. Dude would come out, drop the stick and bark for you to throw it back in while Charlie would just whine. After a while it was time for us to leave. We walked up the hill back to the car. The dogs were rolling on the ground as if they knew we were getting back in the car and needed to dry off. We all got in and went on home. As I was driving I glanced back at the two mutts, they were exhausted and cuddled up with each other, and it was so cute.

Mt. Agamenticus Riding Stables

Mount Agamenticus is a small mountain that has a lot to offer. It is located in the small town of York Maine where I grew up. It’s a long drive to get to but it is worth it. There is beautiful scenery at every angle, trials to discover, and a big field to play in.

At the summit of the mountain there is a fire tower. My father used to man the tower, keeping watch over the town, making sure it is safe from fires. There was also a small riding stable at the base of the tower and I would go with my father as often as I could to visit the horses. I was about six years old when I discovered the charming little barn.

One day, when I was tagging along, I noticed the woman who managed the barn was out front staining the fence. I asked my father if it would be ok for me to see if there was any room for me at the stables, and he nodded his head and I took off.

I was nervous but I walked over to her with my head up high as she had the stain all over her hands. I asked if I could volunteer and help out at the stables and to my delight she said that she would love to have me help. My eyes light up and I was overjoyed. I ran up to the top of the tower and told my dad. He was so happy for me.

The next day, my father and I went back up the mountain and I was “dressed for success.” It felt like the drive was longer that usual, I just wanted to get there! We pulled up and I hopped out of the truck and ran down to the barn. The horses were out eating their hay, swatting the flies with their tails, and enjoying the summer sun. When I got up to the fence I stopped to walk, I didn’t want to seem too excited but it was a dream come true and I was itching to get there. The aroma of the horses and the hay was all around me and I knew I was in heaven and that this was the beginning of something special.

From that day on I was there as often as I could. I took riding lessons, helped with cleaning the stalls and paddocks, bathed the horses, cleaned buckets, put out hay and water, brought the horses in and out, helped with getting them ready for trail rides and everything else that there is to do with horses, I did it all. I didn’t mind, I was on top of the world.

There was one horse, she was beautiful. She was an appaloosa and her name was Cherokee. I loved her and everyone knew it. She took great care of me. She was the only horse that I wanted to ride, I rode others but she was number one. We went on long trail rides, short trail rides, rides in the ring and even just me sitting on her back with out a saddle, just hanging out. We were best buds, inseparable you could say.

We were out in the field at the top of the mountain with other riders on a beautiful sunny day. The grass was green and the sky clear. I could see my dad up in the tower looking down at us. Cherokee and I were riding around enjoy the sites as we got farther and farther from the group. She looked over and saw the others were far from us and took off at a gallop. I held on for dear life as it startled me, it was my first time going that fast. We got to the group and I was in shock. It was scary but fun all at the same time!

I volunteered there for seven years over the summers. It was my safe haven, a place where I could be myself and truly enjoy life. The trails were wonderful and the people were great but after a while it began to run down. The town couldn’t afford it anymore and the horses all left and I was in tears.

I saw Cherokee one day at a friend’s house. Her new owner’s were boarding her there. I only saw her at a distance and that was the last time I saw her. I still wonder where she is and how she is doing. I look online every once in a while just in the hope that I would find her and if I ever do I will have to buy her. She was my girl and I will miss her forever

Charlie
I woke up to this little black face with big eyes and huge ears. My vision was blurry and I was half asleep thinking to myself, what is this, what’s going on? I sat up and put on my glasses. It was a Chihuahua!

I was living with my friend Stephanie and her family at the time. We both work at the veterinary hospital; in fact we got the job together. We met in college and she always knew that I wanted a dog, a Chihuahua to be exact. My mom had one and I loved her so I wanted one too. They are nice dogs if you train them right. They are mostly a one person dog which is what I wanted. A dog that always had the love in their eyes for me and only me! I had never had that friendship or loyalty. I saw what Stephanie had with her dog and I wanted it too.

I tried at first with a dog named Nabisco. He was a black and white German Shepherd Dog mixed with husky who was at work as a stray and needed a home. I took him home and he was great except for getting out and running away and getting skunked. That was a task, giving him a skunk bath. It ended up that he wasn’t good with cats and Stephanie had a whole litter that she was fostering so I had to find him a new home. I ended up putting him on Pet Finder and he got a wonderful new home where he could run and not get into any trouble. It was very hard letting him go. Stephanie and I cried on the way home but we knew it was best for him and for the kittens.

After a couple of months went by of being dog less I woke up to having the cutest thing in my face. Stephanie had gone over to the neighbor’s house that morning while I was sleeping. She found out that their family from New York had brought a little black, cute as a button Chihuahua with them. She “stole” him and brought him straight up to my room and woke me up without even thinking.

He really was the cutest thing. His big eyes peering down at me. He was so tiny and skinny. I immediately took him from Stephanie and asked where he came from. She told me and I knew I needed to help the poor little guy. When it came to pets and the neighbors things never went well. I looked him over and noticed he had a broken tail and four upper canines due to him not eating right. The baby teeth usually come out when they eat hard food but he obviously wasn’t eating anything at all. He was skin and bones.

For the rest of the week he was all I could think about. I talked about him at work, with my friends and family. I needed him. Finally, I told Stephanie to tell them that I would give them $100 for him and a week later…he was all mine. I was in my glory! At last, a dog that I can handle and is all mine. His name was Blackie but that changed instantly. I had always wanted a dog named Charlie and this was my chance.

Charlie is now a happy normal sized dog who loves life. He runs and plays with my boyfriend’s dog that is ten times bigger. They do great together. Charlie comes with me to work Sunday nights for a toy breed play social. He is one of the stars of the group. And oh man, Auntie Stephy is his love! She saved him and she is his saint. He flips out every time he sees her; it’s a funny sight to see. He is always there for through thick and thin. He is my best friend.